I'm just too shy By Elizabeth Ackerley

We’ve all looked in the mirror and thought “urghh!” And we’ve all missed out on parties because we were worried we wouldn’t know anyone. We’ve changed clothes last minute because we couldn’t bring ourselves to finally wear that special something that might mean we’ll be looked at in a new light. And most of us would rather roll around in sewage than make a speech in front of our peers. But although we deny it, in the right mood, most of us would like to be out there, screaming “Look at me!”, but somehow…we’re just too shy…

Real confidence tells the world that we believe in ourselves as individuals and that we’re not easily swayed by other people. It gives us a fighting chance at doing something the way we really want to rather than the way other people expect us to. Confidence also offers the promise of not just being average, boring, everyday people. It’s license to go mad! We, as young people, know that having confidence is essential for getting on in life. Our social lives, careers and the things we do in the future depend, to some extent, on how confident we are.

But steady on…aren’t we putting a bit too much pressure on ourselves? Thinking, if we don’t have confidence it’s all over for us? Despite what we might think now, confidence is obtainable for each and every one of us. It’s not something we're born with; it’s something we learn with life experiences. You may think you’re never going to be a confident person, but how many outgoing older people have we heard say they were ‘painfully shy’ when they were younger? Robert De Nero, Alex Turner and Courtney Cox are all described as being shy and introverted during their early life, but look at them now!

So let’s not waste any more time on what we think we can’t do. Here are some top tips to get us building up our confidence now, while we’re still young. Just think, by the time we’re in our 20s, there’ll be no stopping us!

By Elizabeth Ackerley

A big problem area with confident is looks. There is so much pressure from the media and other people to look and dress a certain way and strive for the ‘perfect body’. Attractiveness isn’t about being perfect, it’s about believing you’re fine how you are. Here’s a few simple rules to being confidence in your appearance…

Don’t moan about the way you look, and obsess over areas of yourself you don’t like because that draws other peoples attention to them. Focus on being out and working with your positives.

Learn to take a complement, and if anyone says anything negative ignore them. If you worry about things that people have said, write them on a piece of paper and rip them up!

Don’t care what other people think; the only opinions that matters are your own and trusted truths from good friends.

Be comfortable with yourself and what you’re wearing. If you think you look good other people will think that to.

Keep a photo of you looking fab and confident. When you’ve feeling icky, have it handy to remind you it’s ‘all in the mind’.

Another area where confidence is essential is in making new friends. And in turn they will help boost confidence. Having people around us who like us and want to be with us makes us feel loved and secure and able to do things we might otherwise not be able to do. Here are a few ideas for boosting your social life!

Join a club, such as a youth group or an art class, or even a drama group if you want to really come out of your shell! You’ll meet new people who are interested in the same things as you and have a wider group of friends not just school mates or those who live nearby.

Maybe you’re hanging out with the wrong friends? If you feel like you can’t express your true self or that your friends are largely negative and critical towards you, get rid of them and find some real friends.

Just be yourself, don’t make stuff up or pretend to be someone else because people will see through you.

Make an effort. If you make an effort with people, listen and be interested, it’s amazing how you will attract people.

Have an interesting hobby and work on your strengths so that you become really good at something, that’ll give you confidence and something to talk about!

As mentioned earlier there are a million and one things some of us would rather do than get up in front of a crowd and be the centre of attention, but we’re going to need those skills in order to get the most out of life. For example making a speech in English, or presenting a history project. Further into the future overcoming self consciousness can help us in work and at the important job interview. Below are some tips on talking in front of people.

Practise makes perfect so make sure you know what you’re going to say and then you can concentrate on being confident. Put notes for speeches and talks on flashcards, only used to trigger when you already know.

Talk a lot slower that you normally would. We automatically speed up in these situations. Don’t be afraid to leave breathes and pauses too.

Body language is very important in formal situations. Try not to fidget too much and use any visuals as a distraction if need be. Eye contact and looking at your audience (not constantly!) can really engage people, as can varying the tones and enthusiasm in your voice (stops people falling asleep).

Fake confidence; if your not feeling very confident just pretend that you are and most people will be fooled (don’t do this when trying to make friends though!).

Be yourself. Plan an ice breaker that gets a laugh or a smile if you what to really relax.