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After a while Grant stopped going to his lessons and stayed with the school mentors all day. I went into his bedroom one day to try and speak to him and he showed me a really deep cut on his wrist. I asked him what happened and he said he used scissors himself. He gave me 3 pairs of scissors and made me hide them from him. He said he had told the mentors and promised not to do it again but it worried me massively as Grant has heart problems and a simple blood infection could be fatal. I knew he had done it because he was frustrated and felt alone. The mentors, like me, had been trying to get Grant to tell my parents about it but he refused. I continued to support him as best I can and slowly he started to open up. There was countless times where I would hold back from crying to the mentors or my friends. I know how terrible it must have been for Grant but it was also a struggle for me to see my brother suffer without letting anyone help him. Soon enough he started having frequent panic attacks - sudden, periods of intense anxiety and fear associated with stress and worry, often causing breathlessness. At one point it was happening around 8 times a day and was awful having to see this. All I could do was be there and try to be calm for him. A month and a half had gone by and Grant texted his friend Amy from my mum’s phone. Mum, by mistake, read Amy’s reply before Grant did. It said something in the text about his sexuality. Later she confronted Grant who admitted was true. My mum told my dad. I was so relieved that our parents finally knew and as I thought, although they were shocked, they were fine about it. His was a turning point for Grant. Soon enough he started telling members of our family and friends who were really proud that he had the guts to come out at such an early age. They told him they love him for him regardless of his sexuality. Grant could relax now that nobody was going to ask why he didn’t have a girlfriend! We also started getting on a lot better. I was overwhelmed by the fact that he could confide in me. Life got easier for him which made it easier for me knowing that he was happy. |
This has been a difficult journey for me and has greatly impacted my life as well as Grants. It was especially hard when I found out about the self-harming I wasn’t able to tell or I would loose his trust. A school mentor was the only person I really spoke to. Mine and Grants relationship has changed too. We used to just stay out of each others way, but not anymore. We confide in each other and even chat on the phone. No one would have ever thought we would be like this, least of all me! Grant has no regrets about coming out and is pleased now that people know about his sexuality; he can have a relationship with another guy. I’m proud of my brother and his sexuality isn’t even a huge part of him as a person. I love him for who is regardless of it. My advice to anyone who has family members going through this is… Ensure they know you’re not going to give up on helping them out and you’re there for them in a non-judgemental way. Whether you like it or not they are who they are and they don’t need trouble from their own family. They need support. Grant also gives this advice to anyone who is hiding the fact that they are gay... “Tell your closest friends and let it build from there. If some of your friends are not your friends after you’ve told them then really that’s good for you because they weren’t proper friends in the first place if they can’t accept you for who you are.” Nicole Battersby |