Understand it
Sometimes it might seem like everyone in school is talking about who’s a virgin, who isn’t and who might be. For both girls and guys the pressure to lose our virginity can sometimes be intense. All too often virgins perceive themselves as the minority when in fact they are the majority. It’s important to value our virginity before we think about loosing it or we’re likely to cheat ourselves out of a once ever experience. Deciding to have sex for the first time is a big decision and best made knowing how we feel and all the facts…

Know why
One of the biggest reason young people end up loosing their virginity before they are ready is due to social influences. Even the strongest and most individual of us can worry about living up to the expectations of our peers. And peer pressure is one thing we can all live without. One girl told me “I lie to my friends about the fact I haven’t had sex, I have to.” Because as Ben, 15 pointed out “It’s kind of a respect thing”. I know it’s hard but if losing our virginity earns us respect with our friends, then it’s time we found new friends that respect us for making our own decisions.

With all these peer related reasons of wanting to be grown up and gain respect, comes a one of the biggest and often disastrous reasons that many teens end up loosing their virginity and worse still, doing so without protection. Many of us say drinking relaxes us and helps us enjoy ourselves. But as one campaign aimed at teens puts it ‘Drugs and drinking equals sex without thinking’. Who knows how many teens have deeply regretted having sex when drunk?

The sense of desire in puberty is new and can often confuse us into thinking lust is love. Our heart may say one thing, our head the other. It’s important to step back. Don’t do anything in the heat of the moment that you know you would have doubts about if you had time to think it through.

Protect yourself
Some teens believe that once they’ve done the dirty the worst is over, but for some it is only just started. Sure sex can be enjoyable, but it can also have physical risks. Teens on the whole seem to be more knowledgeable about pregnancy that they are about STI/Ds (sexually transmitted infections/diseases). While we’re young things like diseases don’t seem real until we come into contact with them. We should know the risks before having sex and we should always protect ourselves, even if we only do it once! One thing about STDs is that many of them are hard to spot, so a person may be innocently passing one on to someone else. Boys seem to worry less about protection, assuming girls will take care of it. They need to think about these things just as much as girls.

Go to:
www.teens-r-us.co.uk/information/sti.htm
to find what the risks are and how to stay safe.

Know about age
The legal age for having sex in the UK is 16. The law is there to protect us. Some people believe that ‘losin’ it’ is one of the big steps towards maturity. Kerry, 15 with her views on virginity. “Being told we have to grow up constantly by adults, people associate sex with growing up. The press talk about how sex is happening a lot so it makes you think you have to be doing it”. It’s true the media has a massive affect on influencing us as teenagers. We are being falsely moulded into what we think will make us adults by everything around us, before many of us can cope with being grown up. Maturity can be described as many things and it’s an amazing thing to have at a young age, but just by having sex, we do not become mature. Maturity is making well informed decisions we know are right for us personally, in our own time.

Remember no
It is always OK to say no to sex. You should never go against your gut feelings. Jenny, 16 told me, “My friends call me frigid and tell me I’m a wuss.” I know it’s hard but you shouldn’t care what you’re labelled. It only speaks of their immaturity. You are the one who has to live with what you do.

Are we really ready?
There is no shame in wanting to wait until you’re ready to have sex for the first time and don’t let anyone tell you differently. It can be hard in a long term relationship, even if we’re not being pressured. Many of us don’t want to disappoint a partner, especially if they themselves are willing to take the first step. It’s true that if your partner respects and cares for you, he or she will be willing to wait for as long as it takes. You should know and trust your partner and yourself first because once it’s gone, it’s gone.

Losing our virginity is seen as a sin in many people’s eyes, but if we have discussed it with our partner and agree that we are both ready for this big step then we shouldn’t feel ashamed. As long as we feel safe and secure about our decision we should not let what other people say affect us.

By Abbie Pearson