Well this is original, another ‘news’ headline about how British teenagers are all twats and deserve to be shot. Apparently we are all pregnant, having unprotected sex, taking illegal drugs and already in custody. The few nice teenagers are hiding in their attics to avoid being knifed. Hopefully one of them will survive long enough to become Prime Minister.

Sadly, this headline is far from an isolated example of the type of negative and insulting press we’re constantly subjected to in the papers, on TV and even to our faces. Why don’t they realise that only a minority of teenagers fit the church burning, granny kicking stereotype? Some of us don’t even have ASBOs. Why must we all be painted with the same old tabloid brush?

Let’s randomly select one of the ‘facts’ from the article that spawned this offending headline. 44% of us have apparently been in a physical fight in the last year. Brilliant, who did they ask? Because I reckon my 5 year old cousin would probably claim to have been in a fight if presented with that question. So, who knows what a young lad will claim in front of his mates? Perhaps I should ask The Mail?

I’ve got to get back to the point and stop myself picking on the Daily Mail. Because in the words of a MCR’s song (who the Mail have also enjoyed blaming for the sad demise of teens), ‘It’s just too easy’.

Now, I’m not denying that some teenagers do drink too much, take drugs and get into fights. But that goes for all social groups. There isn’t a sudden change when we turn 20. We will still grow up to be teachers, lawyers, bank managers and peacemakers. 99% of people have good intentions and would never deliberately hurt anyone. The 1% who would and do cause trouble, should not be used to damage the reputations of the rest of us.

What I’ve said is so obvious that everyone would know and accept it, if it wasn’t for scare-mongering stories like the example I’ve used. Tabloids like the Mail make the nation paranoid and prejudiced. If it’s not young people, it’s immigrants on benefits, or health scares, or dangerous foods or animals (no wait, animals are nearly always cute and cuddly). The problem is, there are millions of people who read The Mail and other tabloid fodder and in many sad cases, they believe what they read is true. There’s not a lot I can directly do about knife crime, but this negativity is being used to represent me. Now I don’t know, maybe I am an exception to the rule, but I have come to the very definite conclusion that knife crime isn’t for me.

The result of all this negative press is that teenagers are not only thought of as bad news, we’re treated as such. And I have questions about that. Why should I be banned from public places and persecuted because I am the same age as a guy who isn’t very nice? It feels harsh because, being a good boy, when I walk into Cards Cards Cards to buy my brother a nice birthday card, why should I have to leave, to shop elsewhere? Because a door sign states that only ‘2 unaccompanied children’ are allowed in at once? In the end I had to shop at Tesco and fuel global economic disaster. They may rip off third world farmers, but at least they trust me not to make them cry.

Picture on right:
Juriaan Simonis / Belgian youths [not British!], Verrebroek, Belgium.
On left:
Caroline van Oosten de Boer / vodb.com

Dear Daily Mail
(the real voice of the nation),

I am writing to you to discuss your article ‘Out of control British teens the worst behaved in Europe’. I want to know who researched the facts and figures in this piece and how they did it? Nobody asked me. I’ll be honest, this has damaged my high opinion of your paper. Who knows, maybe I can’t trust everything I’ve read in there? As with many of your articles, it appears to have been written off the top of someone’s head because they couldn’t be bothered to find any real news. In fairness, it’s far more exciting to make things up and I hear you’re very good at that, so credit where credit’s due. But am I right to suggest it’s only there because you couldn’t think of a new way to slag off immigrants that day? I fully understand that your specialist reporter (in fuelling hate campaigns against people without white skin) has to have a day off sometimes, but rather than attacking an entire generation, couldn’t you have tried a cute furry animal story?

Oh wait, you already had seven cute furry animal stories.

Yours Sincerely,
Joe Simpson, Cube Magazine