A crash course in standing out ‘n’ fitting in by By Louise Graham with help from Stacey, Natalie and Stephanie

What do you think of Goths, Moshers, Chavs and Skaters? Do you think they are weird or just normal? Do you think it would be better if we didn’t have social groups?

What do you do when you see someone who stands out as a Goth or a Skater? Do you shout at them, because you think they are outcasts cos they are different?

What would you feel like if you were rejected for the way you look?

Students thoughts |Standing out | Fitting in | Top tips!

We asked Newfield Secondary students how they felt about standing out and fitting in >>
	Amy Watson, 16, likes everything from Bryan Adams to Mcfly I wouldn’t say I belong to a social group but most of my friends are Goths and moshers. I’ve not really been bullied but I know people that have been because of the way they look. I’ve got strong views against bullying. People don’t get on when there are obvious differences like their opinion on the world and how they view it. If everyone was the same then life would be boring so you need differences and originality.
	Scott, 14, likes Rock ‘It would be good if everyone got on’ I wouldn’t say I belong to a social group. People are stereotyped because of what they are into. Goths probably get picked on most because they are different from everyone else. It would be good if everyone got on.
	Tom 14, skater, likes punk rock I’ve not exactly been bullied but people shout ‘goth’ and stuff. Probably ‘Goths’ are most picked on because they’re a lot different to every one else. I think its better to have social groups because then you can show your differences. I'm not really bothered, people can think what they like!’
	Edi, 14, likes rock and punk etc. I’m happy being who I am, ‘I prefer being myself than someone else' I was bullied in year 7, a boy who still does it now and he shouts stuff like: ‘ oh are you tryin to save the trees’ and stuff like that. He thinks I’m a hippy. I think it happened coz I think he has it in for me, it used to bother me a lot in year 7 but not as much now, ma mum had to phone school and stuff.

Most people want to fit in, in a crowd but if you don’t this is the section for you.
We have realised that not everyone wants to be the same, and so we made a section on standing out, just for you people that want to be noticed. We interviewed a well-known child psychologist Mrs Ruth Coppard to get some advice.

‘The sort of people who do best are the sort who just have real confidence in themselves and know what they want to be and can go with it.’

If you are a person who wants to stand out, make sure it’s for all the right reasons. You don’t want to stand out to get bullied do you?
You want to stand out to get noticed and/or to be different, which in a way is a good thing, because I personally think that every one has their own rights to be who they want to be and if say you want to be a ‘Goth’ then fair enough.

But if you want to stand out and are getting bullied for it then maybe you should take this advice:
‘ A useful technique for when people are being bullied is called ‘fogging’, its where if some one comes up to you and says ‘ah god look at you don’t you look weird’ you should jus say ‘oh thank you for pointing it out’ and walk on’

‘If you distract the other person and don’t show them you’re upset they’re more likely to leave you alone.’
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Lots of people just want to fit in, not be noticed, and be part of the crowd, and we respect that. To help you out, here’s a section on fitting in.

Here’s what Ruth Coppard had to say.” If you would like to fit in and not be noticed you should, dress very like everybody else and keep any extreme ideas to yourself. Be very

careful when you say things that may sound extreme unusual or odd. If you have extreme opinions which a lot of people aren’t going to like, be careful where you say that sort of thing because most people don’t feel like that. So if you want to fit in see what the standard way of behaving is and go with it.”

We also have some advice for you. Firstly, don’t just copy what other people do just to fit in. Do it if you like the clothes they wear or what they do, but if you don’t like it, don’t do it. You can fit in and like what you are doing at the same time. If you like some clothes but not others don’t feel you have to have it all just because someone else has. You can be your own person at the same time as fitting in, so do!

“Within school its easier and I think quite sensible to tone down the way you look coz your in school to learn and you don’t want to be distracted by the people taking the Mickey about the way you look, but your choice of music is absolutely down to you.”

Don’t feel pressured to do something, such as smoke or drink, just because others do. You don’t have to do that to fit in with them and if they say you do have to, then they aren’t worth being like anyway! Don’t try to be someone else! Just find some people who are similar to you but not necessarily the same and you will fit in straight away!

“You tend to make friends with people who like the same sort of music.”

If you want any more tips and pointers on fitting in then see our crash course page at the end of the article!!

Thank you to Ruth Coppard and the Newfield Students who very kindly agreed to be interviewed. It was a huge help.
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Fitting in:
• If you have an unusual name shorten it or make up a nickname.
• Dress individually but also don’t make it too outrageous or noticeable.
• Don’t dye your hair weird colours unless it’s fashionable.
• If you like odd types of music like classical keep it to your self, unless you trust the person, who you are telling completely.
• If you have extreme opinions that others might not agree with you might want to keep quiet.

Standing out:
• Be how you want to be not how others want you to be.
• Ignore the comments people say.
• Don’t lose your self-confidence.
• Dress differently and don’t copy everyone else.
• Try to speak out your own opinions even if others don’t agree, you have a right to say what you think.

And the main thing is just be yourself as much as you can!!!

Extra advice from Ruth:
‘ There are lots of ways of standing out and fitting in and, an awful lot of people don’t share most of what they know and do with other people because it’s easier that way. That seems to be quite a sensible approach. Some people have unusual names and have to learn to live with them; some people have unusual backgrounds, and some people have unusual responsibilities and they don’t necessarily share all of that with people because they think it would be unwise and that’s a good thing.